Follow up to "One Day, Three Screw Jobs"

Just wanted to update all my readers, I'm talking to you John and Craig. So the Directv guy came the other week to set up my package and when he walked up to the apartment the only thing he uttered was, "ughhhhh....hmmm." Those are good things right, I mean thats what you want to hear in circumstances like this. For example the mechanic lifts the hood of your car and goes "uggghhh, hmmm, ughhh", that is a a great sign! Wait, are you kidding me, it's not!!?? Whatever, I don't believe you! Well, ten minutes and many measurements later, I was kindly informed that I had not just one, but two GIGANTIC problems keeping me from my one and only dream of football nirvana. First was the apartement building in the way of my signal, and the second was the tree canopy that would block the HD signal, had I even been able to get one. SO...all I have to say is screw you apartement complex (I will show the class and diginity with which I was raised and exempt your name). Time Warner please take me back, I never meant to hurt you, Directv was just a maiden in the night, as always you are my rock. That's all for now. I said GOOD DAY!

Check...Check...Check...Ch-SHIT!!

So, things are going swell at the office today. Today was one of those days that you feel you are giving the company what they are paying for. In the truest sense of the word I am a salesman. I have used superior intellect and persistence to persuade my fellow man to change their mind and spend more money than they woke up planning to spend. Doing my job...check mark. With this notch thoroughly in place on my belt, it was time to take things a step further. Step 2: do something successful in your personal life. In walks this opportunity, a quite attractive, personable, and engaging twenty-something, check. Ok, it's go time ladies and gents. As I attend to this fine young dame, I am on my game. Jokes, check. Getting her a great deal, check. Learning about her, check. She's definitely digging me. I am hovering, ready to land, a big bear with claws and fangs, yet I (as opposed to my more famous bretheren) know what to do with them. From this point the conversation is as follows:
Me: "Do you live around these parts?"
Young Dame: "Yeah, but not for too long (sigh)."
Me: "Oh really, why is that?"
YD: "Well, I am in the armed forces and I'm going to Army Dental School in Texas in a few weeks."
Me: "Oh wow, that's got to be scary, but you'll be fine."
Internal monologue: F#$%, SH*!, A##h@&*....ok ok calm down, we can work through this.
Me: "Is it a long program?"
YD: "No, no it's just six months."
Internal Monologue: YES!!!! We are back in this thing!! Six months is SOOOO doable.
Me: "Well, do you like living here? I mean will you come back when its done?"
YD: "Oh hell no, I'm from West Virginia and it SUCKS here! I'm going back as soon as school is over."
Me: "Oh, well here's you're copy of the contract (immediately walking away)...have a nice day."
YD: "But, sir there's-
Me: "Yup, have a nice day (door closes behind me)

The lesson as always...whatever out there is responsible for our destinies is having a himself one hell of a time when he comes around to me. I mean shit it must be like someone flicking channels, "Man what the heck there ain't nothin on-WAIT its Seinfeld, HAHAHAHA, this is gonna be good!!!" Good lookin out homie.
I said GOOD DAY!

A Ray Of Sunshine

So today came with good news for once. I'm going to a new office at work. The key is that this office is a great place to get to the next level, wooohooo! Wait, wait wait pump the brakes one second. As with all things here at And For Your Amusement, this move comes with a small drawback, namely a 45 minute commute (as opposed to 5) and longer hours!!! I'm still stoked, but goodness can a playa get pure unadulterated good news for once! Such is life. Until later.
I said GOOD DAY!

One day, Three Screw Jobs

So after an enjoyable day at work I set out into the world to accomplish a few things, what I was unaware of was the world's extreme aversion to see me succeed at any of these things. First up was a trip to my prospective future domicile to "chat" with ownership. I had the intent of securing the relief associated with a full nights sleep because the one thing I seek would be guaranteed. I am a simple fella, not asking for much out of life. The one thing on my mind now as a full-fledged adult providing for himself is the sweet release of the National Football League in the friendly confines of my own residence on my one day off. Thanks to America's penchant for monopolies though, this requires the procurement of a satellite dish, which requires several things itself. One is a landlord who allows them on the premises, and the other is a clear view of the Southern Sky. Thankfully my future landlord is willing to pitch in (for a fee, of course!) on the first premise, however, a brilliant landscaping design (trees about three feet from each balcony) is where the issue comes in. Now I have seen with my own eyes other dishes, even ones smack dab behind seemingly 4 foot wide tree trunks that seem to be operating just fine. Seeing as my potential home has the benefit of the trees being a good bit offset from the balcony, branches and leaves should be my only problem. Long story long (I have rambled a bit here), I tried to secure a contingency plan in case, as is often the case in this series of unfortunate occurrences in my life, the planet's alligned in the exact right pattern and I could not get a satellite signal. In the end I left with nothing but a pat on the back and some wishful thinking. Unfortunately this is Screw Job No. 1. I then proceeded to bring a very broken DVD I had received through the online system of a very large chain to said chain's retail outlet for help because the online system was not operating at full capacity (I'm sure someone in New Delhi is working on it right now), and all I got was "Um we just mail em out here, you gotta email em or somethin man." WOW, thanks for the awesome customer service, and good luck in your future endeavors!! Screw Job No. 2. Finally, I hoped to have a nice 2 for 1 dinner with a fresh coupon, and upon entering the home of my compatriot I was summarily dismissed as his lady was there. I understand, but cmon seriously, a man's gotta eat! Screw Job No. 3. As such I conclude my seminal blog. For those of you out there checkin out ya boy(big up to JStyles), good look, if this one aint no good, give me a minute, I'm just gettin my feet wet.
I said GOOD DAY!